It has been four months since I’ve last sat down to write a post. How can that be? Where did the time go? I spent the last four months nannying for an infant whose parents were visiting scholars to the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton. They recently returned to Germany, and while I miss the baby, I am glad to be back writing and pursuing the next thing in life.
While working these last four months an average of 30 hours a week, plus a thirty minute commute each way, I learned to let go a little. Huge, for me. Someone with anxiety disorder does not let go easily. But I must say allowing myself to do this, lowered my stress greatly and made me happier. Of course, that might be the meds talking as I also went back on cymbalta as my anxiety was slowly increasing to the point I couldn’t control it on my own, and the chronic pain I endure was creeping back as well.
I let go of my resentment that I was not using either of my degrees, nor certifications and accepted this job to care for a little human being, whom I came to fall in love with. In the process I made, what I hope to be, lifelong friends with her parents, who we plan to visit in Germany in the coming years. Caring for a child is a huge responsibility and the fact Shaiel’s parents chose me is profound. No matter what I end up doing next, my goal is that is involves being able to care for, help, motivate, and/or educate others in any capacity. Perhaps I may not be directly working in the psychology, athletic training, or health coaching field, but from all of those I have learned to express compassion, empathy, and encouragement, and those can carry me to new opportunities.
I let go of making super healthy dinners every single night. As I wrote in a previous post, the kids were revolting against quinoa and black bean burgers. I still continue to make healthy dinners, but I keep it to a 10 meal rotation that the kids seem to enjoy. However, I have learned you can not please everyone all of the time. So I learned to let that go, too!
I let go of the need to exercise at a significantly high level. Instead I enjoyed going on four to six mile walks with the baby during the week. On the weekends I would amp up my cardio, and do a Beachbody video, such as T-25. Honestly, I didn’t feel like my body was revolting from the lack of intense workouts. In fact, I think my body was grateful to recover from my previous year at the gym! My hip finally feels somewhat better, although not 100%, but I’ll take it!
I let go of keeping the house immaculate. While the house was still picked up and organized, the dusting, vacuuming, and general cleaning did not happen as often or as thoroughly. Both my husband and children pitched in more, and I was thankful for that. Even though I am currently not working, the children continue with their new responsibilities and it is making them more appreciative for all that their parents do for them.
I let go of the fact that I could not control my anxiety solely on my own, and accepted that I needed to go back on my anxiety medication. I could feel myself sliding down the slippery slope, and the fact my husband also recognized this, I marched myself back to my doctor’s office. I am always amazed at the significant improvement my anxiety medication makes, and I hope that others out there suffering with mental illness, realize it is not a sign of weakness to be on medication, but a sign of strength for recognizing you need help, asking for help, and accepting help. Speaking of which I recently discovered a superb organization called Minding Your Mind whose goal is “to reduce the stigma and destructive behaviors often associated with mental health issues and illnesses”. I am meeting with one of the directors this month in hopes of working with them in some capacity. I am also working towards a Behavior Change Specialist certification to go along with my health coaching certification.
I hope to be posting more often. I have changed some things on this blog so please let me know what you think. I have added a search bar at the top above the archives, which is also new. Therefore, if you are looking for a certain post it should be easier to find now. If you have any suggestions, comments, or advice as to how I can make this blog better feel free to let me know!